YANKEES, STEINBRENNER BEG FOR A FED BAILOUT

BRONX, N.Y. (CAP) - As Yankees fans said goodbye to The House that Ruth Built last weekend, owner Hank Steinbrenner has drawn the ire of Congressional Democrats with his request that Bronx Bombing this summer be included in the massive bailout of Wall Street.

Despite a $220 millon payroll - by far the most in all of baseball - the Yankees will not make the playoffs this season in what is being called the Freddie Mac Attack of the American League. Sources say the "Fannie Mae Mets" could be included in the $700 billion proposal should the second Gotham entry choke its place in the National League playoffs.

"We are seeing the government hand out fistfuls of charity to banks that made bad investments and people who bought houses they couldn't afford," a Yankees front office source said. "But what about us? We are paying Jason Giambi $18 million a year and the only benefit we've gotten is added sales to the moustache-wearing, porn-star crowd.

"Even in New York City, that's a little creepy," the source added.

Steinbrenner is reportedly hoping the government will take over the entirety of the $300 million contract extension given to Alex Rodriguez this summer.

"We were duped," a Yankees scout noted. "Scott Boras came to us and said it was a great deal. He said we needed to get in on this before his value skyrocketed, and that we could always refinance his contract later after it appreciated in value. But we forgot that he is a mansion that will sink into the swamp land when the pressure is on. We might as well have bought the Brooklyn Bridge ... again."

Analysts say the bloated Yankees payroll became a black hole the team dove further into in a fruitless effort to dig themselves out.

"They signed a catcher in Jorge Posada who could no longer catch," a CNBC anchor noted, "a center fielder in Johnny Damon who could not longer run, gave a contract extension to a second baseman in Robinson Cano who no longer tries hard and signed a pitcher in Carl Pavano who never pitches.

"You tell us: doesn't that sound like people who need to be saved from themselves?"

Critics have railed against the Yankees for seaking a golden parachute on the disaster of the current season while they move into a new Yankee Stadium that promises a gold mine of revenue starting next season.

"Hey, if it's good for all of John McCain's advisers, it's good enough for us," Steinbrenner's office replied.