WASHINGTON (CAP) - President Bush has announced a rescue plan for Matchbox and Hot Wheels that will make just over $4 billion in federal loans available to essentially bail out the die cast toy car industry. The move comes on the heels of Bush's plan to loan automakers GM and Chrysler $13 billion from the Wall Street bailout fund.
"Desperate times calls for desperate measurizations," Bush told reporters as he made the announcement. "And I'm a desperate measurizer. It's my job to help prevent the collapsification of every auto industry, whether big or small."
According to the paperwork filed by the White House, the $4 billion was originally earmarked for the Big Three come February as part of an overall $17.4 billion package to help stabilize the country's largest automakers. However, nobody actually believes the automakers will still be in business come that time, so the Bush administration opted to spend the money now "before Obama gets his paws on it."
"We had a lot of options before us, from Santa to teenagers, but Bush's love for his 1982 General Lee Matchbox car is pretty well known," said White House spokesperson Dana Perino. "He carries that damn thing around with him everywhere he goes, so this seemed like the obvious choice."
Executives for Mattel, which produces both Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars, said they were surprised to hear about the cash assistance, but noted that it couldn't have come at a better time as it would allow the company to recoup the cost of this year's holiday party and bonuses without having to lay off any employees.
"And it looks like our spring golf outing is back on!" said an ecstatic CEO Robert Eckert.
Congressional reaction to the Bush announcement has been fairly subdued since Congress is currently on recess, but that isn't stopping some Democratic lawmakers from vocalizing their concerns and laying the foundation for a new bill that would create the Corporate Relieved Assets Program to limit and govern any future bailouts.
"The Democrats have been trying to get CRAP through the House and Senate for quite a while now," said Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI), who plans to re-introduce the bill when Congress returns to session. "And come January, we will renew our focus on nothing but CRAP.
"The American people need and deserve CRAP, and as Democrats, it is out job to make sure they get it," added Levin.
White House officials say Bush is considering another smaller bailout of the auto accessory industry, especially "companies that make those grippy things that go on steering wheels" and fuzzy dice manufacturers.
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